Avian flu

I have been reading about the seriousness of bird flu and the potential pandemic risk for some time now. The possibility of the mutated virus is quite scary with rapid spread of the contagion which could kill or disable hundreds of millions of people world-wide.

However, there are some experts expressing their skeptical opinions of the danger. They said that the mutated or a combined avian flu and regular influenza virus may not carry the same potency of the current virus.

It is hard to know whether this very sensational danger will materialize soon or it will just gradually reduce to a dangerous but localized and manageable disease such as West Nile virus.

Overcome with nostalgia

It was dark outside. I sat here and listened to some old recordings. Linda Ronstadt, Bocelli, BeeGees, and Brahms, and ... suddenly I was overcome with emotion, a sense of loss, of nostalgia but also of joy. The images of my past rushed through and over me. The soft, hazy picture of a young father and his son on an early Saturday morning outing along the cliffs of Palos Verdes Estates beach, of my mother, of old loves and losses, ... The emotions were so powerful that I had to stop the music and walked upstairs to get away, to run away.

Woke up from a dream

It was quite cold for a couple of days. We did not get any snow here but reportedly several feet of snow had fallen on I-70 and in the mountains. I've just finished reading "Complications, a surgeon's notes on an imperfect science" by Atul Gawande. The gut-wrenching stories of medical uncertainty, mistakes, and enormous sufferings were soberly told.

I looked out my windows into the night and saw the city lights below our house. It felt as if I was just awaken from a dream to the dark, sad, and certain reality of aging, sickness and death. I realized that the only painful certainty is the sad, permanent separation and the real sufferings of those I love the most. My thoughts were in California, on the coast, in the mountains thinking dreaming about time lost, gone and of nostalgic feelings. I lingered at the window looking outside for a long time before going to bed. I gave my wife - still sleeping soundly - a tight hug and gentle kiss as I lay down next to her. Wide awake and uncertain.