It was quite cold for a couple of days. We did not get any snow here but reportedly several feet of snow had fallen on I-70 and in the mountains. I've just finished reading "Complications, a surgeon's notes on an imperfect science" by Atul Gawande. The gut-wrenching stories of medical uncertainty, mistakes, and enormous sufferings were soberly told.
I looked out my windows into the night and saw the city lights below our house. It felt as if I was just awaken from a dream to the dark, sad, and certain reality of aging, sickness and death. I realized that the only painful certainty is the sad, permanent separation and the real sufferings of those I love the most. My thoughts were in California, on the coast, in the mountains thinking dreaming about time lost, gone and of nostalgic feelings. I lingered at the window looking outside for a long time before going to bed. I gave my wife - still sleeping soundly - a tight hug and gentle kiss as I lay down next to her. Wide awake and uncertain.
